Go To Hell.....

Not entirely sure wtf I am doing blogging, but I used to do it, and it used to be okay.... the best way to sound like a whiney biatch... and to not have to vent to people I know, or in person..... self counsel? hrr hrr. Fark no.

I am loving more and more the irony of people being "open minded" but when you speak about any general topic, they shut you down with a "I don't believe in that!". I don't give a flying fuck if you believe in it or not, that is what makes the conversation good! Both sides of the fricken coin! Oh well, I believe in some stuff, and not in others, but the main things are equality, especially with race and sexuality, that is close to my heart.

At the moment I am a stay at home Mum, 2 gorgeous boys, a tall gorgeous husband who works, and well... I came from a fairly fucked period between school ending and now. I scrambled my brain for about 5 or so years on stuff I can't believe I put into my body, I let my past pain live in my brain and constantly replay, but now, I took a long and windy road, to get to a place where I finally feel genuine. I even have the stamp on my bum for authenticity :P *STAMP!*

I wrote music all the way through the substance haze, before the substance haze, and now, as much as trying to write between 2 little boys will allow, so not as much as I would like, but the time will come for that. I look back at the music I wrote in my first marraige and I think the tell tale signs should have been evident, but I was too fucked in the head to notice them.... mostly ;)

The things that mean most to me, after my 3 boys, are my friends and family. I like to make people smile, and I don't need to hear a thank you, the end product is thanks enough. Fuck me, I sound like a self help CD, but it isn't like that. I think I feel that way as when I was a drop kick, I brought a lot of pain to people, and if I counter that with making people feel good now, there is some kind of karma balance, by being a better person than I was, it cancels out the fucktardness of the yester-year. Man... reading this back I sound like a fuckchop, but I am just musing, so it doesn't matter ;)

I will perhaps come back here.... and write again.... I should have probably not used an email where people know me, and then not felt so guarded.... but then again, who the fuck reads each others blogs, I try and get to Gem Gem's, Kazzwahs, B-wahs and Oceans Never Listen.... but I am currently only getting to Gem's.... I need to feel close to her at the moment, and try and hug her from afar....

Til next time bitcheZ!